Practising

Albert and I were at a party last night, practising for New Year's Eve (tonight) ............ I may not be blogging until Tuesday!

A plan

What day is it, I need a plan; Albert do you want to go out for coffee?

Veronica has invited me to a party!

Sales

Visited the city today to go to the sales - returned home with several purchases that I have stored in the shed, Albert does not go into the shed.

Party at 2 p.m.

Keeping up ...........

I really need to sleep for at least a fortnight but I must say I have had the most enjoyable 4 days.

It started with the wedding which was magical, then Christmas Day and Boxing Day spent with relatives and a party tomorrow!

Our celebration

I am going out for lunch and tea today, Albert - are you coming with me?

January

4 January - lunch out
5 January - coffee and cake
6 January - lunch out
7 January - a wine meeting
8 January - lunch again

So sorry Albert, you can join me if you wish?

Today

Today I have a daughter-in-law, sore feet and a dodgy knee.

Oh, it was a good wedding.

Details later when my feet are better.

Getting ready

I want to put on my wedding outfit and my posh hat but it is too early.

I will have a drink instead!

A book

I have been told to knit myself a book - I could crotchet one with the help of my pal Veronica, and a good bottle of red wine?

Nearly the wedding

On Friday Tristan is marrying Pollyanna Jasmine Leaf.

I will update you later.

Beef pie

Albert and I had a cheese sandwich for dinner yesterday because he dropped the beef pie on the floor - I like cheese!

I was just going to ........

Fortunately for Albert he is now talking to me,
just as I was going to order new garden furniture!

Veronica is missing again ...............

Enchanted tree

The tree is stunning, just as I imagined; I do not think Albert is impressed and he has not given me the delivery details?

In fact Albert is not talking to me.

Veronica have we time for lunch before Christmas?

A visitor

Janet is calling tomorrow with my Christmas card, what a shame I shall be out.

Her expected time of arrival is the same time as the Norwegian spruce tree - how is Albert going to deal with this, he normally hides from Janet and he will need to open the door for the tree?

A healthy obsession

A friend said she cannot stop reading my blog.

That is fine with me.

It is getting nearer to my Christmas tree delivery, Albert will be so delighted?

New knobs

Thanks to my sister in law Annabelle Vera, I now have new knobs on my cooker - I was burning things and hoping Albert would not notice!

Christmas tree

Albert has refused to buy a new Christmas tree.

As a consequence of his decision, I have ordered a six foot Norwegian spruce tree complete with baubles.  The tree is to be paid for on delivery, on Thursday and I am out for the day ..........

Out of the loft

A message to Mary Elizabeth Dalrymple of Aberdeen - of course I let Albert out of the loft.

Mary Elizabeth Dalrymple thinks I am unkind, absolutely not!

Receiving Christmas cards

Such fun -Albert and I have received two unsigned Christmas cards and yet again a card from Viv and Michaela, whoever they are?

Christmas cards

Albert, I will let you out of the loft if you write the Christmas cards - what I cannot hear you .........

The loft

Albert is stuck in the loft again - I will just finish this ..............

Mulled wine again

I was out for the afternoon with Mabel Elizabeth, she drove me to scenic locations.

Obviously I was the only one able to drink mulled wine!

Poor Veronica

Veronica fell over in the street, and was helped to her feet by two young women - she finished her message by saying, feeling old!

Feeling old, we cannot have that - I feel another bottle of Rioja coming on.

Where and when Veronica?

Shortbread

Albert has now eaten all the Christmas shortbread ......

He is also talking about buying me a new vacuum for Christmas, seriously?

Page views

125 page views yesterday and 6 today - I must try harder!

Christmas biscuits

Albert has eaten all the Christmas biscuits so I shall just nip out for a few hours to buy some more.

I say Albert I am going out - your dinner is in the oven ....... where am I going, for biscuits?

Missing again

Veronica where are you?

Russia

I am popular in Russia today.

Bank Manager

I am slightly concerned that my Bank Manager knows Janet - you know the one, beautiful, caring, trendy, always late, rose petal picker - the one I avoid!

Albert is again threatening to read my blog, personally I think that is a bad idea.

The true story ...

Of course I can tell you about the hen party. Petronella and I found the hotel but went to the wrong pub and obviously could not find the rest of the group!

Many hours later after being entertained by the strippers, we returned to the hotel which had a pub next door.  It was thought by many that we were in bed, we had joined a 30th birthday party until the early hours.

Yes, it was a good 'do'.

Safe return

I am tired today after last evening's hen do - Petronella and I had a wonderful time but I am sorry I cannot possibly tell you about it.

What shall I do ?

Albert is out for the morning - I will put my music on very loud and then write!

Urgent

I have been called out to the allotment as a job lot of apples are fermenting in the compost bin - too soon for cider!

Albert get your own tea please, I shall be out for a long time.

A crowd of helpers have been invited to this emergency, oh good.

A strip show!

Apparently at Tristan's girlfriend's hen do we are going to a strip show.

OH NO ..............

Father Christmas

I filled in a form so Veronica could receive a letter from Father Christmas - I had to lie about her age.

A night out

Albert is out and I have opened my Christmas wine - such a pity that Veronica does not live nearby.

Janet's story

I eventually spoke to Janet, who had been busy picking up rose petals, off her lawn.

She would be no good helping at the allotment!

It is the allotment party next week, mulled wine under the stars; it should be fun.

Do you want a night out Albert?

Mulled wine

A mulled wine afternoon yesterday with Violet Rose.

An Italian man

I sat next to a charming Italian man on the bus, who told me he was lost ........

The above was in my draft file and I have forgotten what happened, could have been interesting.

So late ......

I did intend to return home early but our illegal picnic, in the local pub was such fun.  We had a code and whistle for bar staff alert.

We are having a Christmas party in January.

Chicken

Cooking a chicken for Albert as I am out with my school pals tonight.

Albert your dinner is ready ..................

Of course I will not be late home - he will not notice!

Wedding hair

I am practising not standing out in a crowd  (for Tristan's wedding) - my hair is purple with blonde bits!

Should I ...........

One sock up and one sock down, wearing a crooked hat and wonky lipstick, should I tell her?

Hello Doris, you look lovely today.

I did not tell her.

One day it will be Veronica and I.

Skirting boards continued ...

I visited Enid who is a retired, funny ex civil servant; I mentioned that I was concerned about cleaning my house before Christmas and especially dusting my skirting boards.

I can still hear her laughing - listen she said, I have lived in this house thirty years and I last dusted my skirting boards when I moved in.

I feel so much better now.

Skirting boards

tell you tomorrow ...........

Another course

A friend has asked me if I would like to join her on a crime writing course .........?

1. Eunice and Veronica rob a bank
2. Eunice and Veronica steal a bus
3. Eunice and Veronica .........

Oh the ideas are humongous and extremely inviting.

Albert I am going out for a week!

Lunch and other exciting things

I have been so busy meeting up with friends - I need a rest now!

Albert is not happy so I have promised to stop in until Tuesday.

Where were we

A message for Nancy Bus from Park Ridge - Veronica and I were in York; we like it there and no one knows us .............

Albert's opinion

Albert did not like my lipstick and I was astonished to find I could not remove it. 

Yes, I am still wearing it!

A posh make-over

I was too early to meet Veronica and found myself in a local store named Fentticks or something similar (I do not do advertising) - I was persuaded by a lovely young lady named Hannah, to try a new glitter lipstick.

I loved the look and was determined to impress Veronica - I certainly did that, not only did I look like Jo Brand I had sparkly lips ..............

Thank you Hannah.

Coffee or not?

Veronica sent me a text message asking if I would like to meet her for the afternoon tomorrow - what does this mean ............ surely not shopping.

Albert there is a cooked chicken in the fridge.

David - Fred, Fred - David

The new Allotment Committee Manager is called David - I have asked him if I can call him Fred?

Albert, I have a meeting at the allotment tomorrow with Fred!

Crocheting

I received a strange request from Veronica, she wants me to crochet a pair of shorts for Emilio.

I do hope that he is not thinking of swimming in them.

Will she need a crocheted swimming costume next?

Davids

Albert said there are too many men named David - I shall not ask?

Away days

Albert booked a holiday up north - I should have guessed from the address that it was not a hotel.

Dumpling Hill at Twizell, in winter - no shops, no pub and no people.

After our second day of snow I insisted we came home.

Albert is no longer in charge of away days.

France

I have been invited to join a writing group in France .......... I am thinking about it?

Missed her ....................

I was so sure that it was the right venue but where was she?

Went home without a  coffee/wine and she rang me, Veronica that is ............. she said she shouted my name and I did not hear her.

Our dates are not always a success but it sure makes life exciting.

I am home early Albert.

A chicken ......

Albert won a chicken in a raffle and has invited two elderly gentlemen for dinner - I will leave the meal prepared and go in search of Veronica.

It was kind of him.

Questions about Petronella

David from Hexham

Of course Petronella is her real name; her father was a Russian trapeze artist and her mother was an Irish Fire Eater from Doncaster.

Wearing lipstick to go to the library

Albert again questioned me about wearing lipstick when I leave the house.

I will put on my new lipstick and disappear to the allotment this afternoon - I always wear lipstick whilst planting broad beans!

A note to Erik

Hello Erik from Hamina in Finland - I know that I did not tell you about Janet .......... there is time yet!

Cinderella will go to the ball .....

I am pleased that Petronella has more than one dress and I can go to the wedding suitably attired.

A wedding .....

Did I tell you Tristan is getting married?

I have borrowed a beautiful, expensive dress from Petronella; Tristan now tells me he has invited her to the wedding.

What if she wants her dress back?

Under the weather

I have been unwell and Albert has been on cooking duties - may make it last ........... I have read three books, written a few pages of my book and spent three days in my pyjamas!

I will recover tomorrow as I have plans.

Goodbye Twizzle

I said goodbye to Twizzle today, no he did not die.

Twizzle was on long term loan from Marie and Giovanni who were holidaying in Italy - I will miss him but not as much as Elvis.

Veronica is back.

Recent night out

Our school reunion - we talked about;

Davy Crocket hats, nits, black and brown bikes, walking, dead cats and John Wayne ............. I took notes in between laughing.

Cannot remember why I wrote £10.00?

More book

103 words ...............

Chip shop death

My cousin telephoned to tell me Bernie died in the chip shop - he did not get his chips first ............what can I say?

Lonely ......

Albert tells me he is lonely when I go out; yesterday I had lunch with Blossom Dahlia and today is yoga - accompany me to yoga says I?

I will take Albert out for coffee tomorrow before my monthly school reunion!

I may stay in next week unless Veronica telephones me.

A book

Martha's shroud is the title of my book - I have written 87 words!

I need help Veronica.

Wearing lipstick to visit B & Q

Albert wanted to know why I was wearing lipstick to visit B & Q (a hardware store)

- one never knows who one will meet ...............

Not fair

Before my allotment visit today I had an appointment at the beauty parlour - sounds like a miracle place.

I was to have my eyelashes extended but came away disappointed due to the fact that they would bang on my glasses!

So busy

I left Albert ironing and escaped to the allotment - the shed requires painting ............

Twizzle does not like the allotment; he will!

Blackpool

Veronica has gone to Blackpool for a week with Emilio, I hope she brings me a stick of rock back.

I am helping out at a local craft fayre today - in charge of the train ride and then may take a free bus ride for the thrill of it?

I need to be out for at least four hours to avoid Janet from Knaresborough - tell you later ....

Location

Veronica is moving to Malton on Ouse which is half an hour away - this will not be a problem.

There is a country Inn midway where we can meet  and go our separate ways after our social meeting!

Shocking news

Veronica is moving - I will have to check the bus route.

Dusting .....

I feel so mean leaving Albert alone at times - I am nipping out quick whilst he is dusting.

I left him a note and he has Twizzle.

p.s. about Dwayne

Dwayne has a cat named Pedro, how cool.

Dwayne

Dwayne from the allotment committee left a message on my answerphone, he wants me to help him price up the new seasons seeds.
 
I asked Albert to accompany me but he insists on staying home with Twizzle.

Monday and Tuesday sorted.

I forgot

I did not tell you about Petronella - she lives near Richard Branson on Necker Island and pops over to Yorkshire occasionally ............... do you need more?

She is tall and a mutual friend of Veronica.

Guess what ....................

His name is Twizzle he is grey with a black and white tail - he is gorgeous; he is a cat!

Twizzle we are going to the allotment on Tuesday to weed then plant beans and cabbages.

Trevor, Keith and Brian are helping me clear my allotment so I shall take the beer.

I am out on Tuesday Albert.

Gin and tonic blogging

I am back and sunburnt!

My computer would not work in the bar of the hotel.

Speak to you later.

Veronica

Veronica is in Scotland playing golf but I know she cannot play golf?

I am going to the seaside tomorrow with Albert.

Poland

Who do I know in Poland, they certainly like my blog today.

Ireland

I am very popular in Ireland this weekend - it must be the Guinness.

English lessons

Angelique wants to know what adjectives and adverbs are?

Petronella

Did I tell you about Petronella?

I really must do so, soon.

Ships that pass in the night ......

Veronica is at the seaside with Emilio and when they return Albert and I are meeting up with friends at Robin Hoods Bay.

If I sit in the bar of the hotel in RHB I shall be able to blog with a gin and tonic!

I am meeting, separately such a lot of writing friends in October - of course there is my yoga class and sewing too; so Albert is complaining. I was telling you this because it looks like November before I can meet my up with my pal.

Of course I like/love Albert but Veronica is so much easier to giggle with.

Oh I do miss Elvis.

My present

My present from Veronica was a doll?

I was also given a copy of Bernard's letter, she kept the original.

We need a crocheting lesson again ..........

Adjectives and adverbs

A very interesting writing course, I am now going to blog with thought provoking and gripping adjectives leaving out the adverbs.

Veronica

Veronica is calling to see me tomorrow with a present, I wonder what it is?

Reading and writing

I am booked on a writing course on Thursday in York - I have homework to do .............

Will Albert cook my dinner?

A plum tree

I need a plum tree removing, if Albert will not do it I shall ask Trevor.

Plant pots

Aberdeen was my holiday destination last week and I have returned to a confused garden - Albert has moved things .......... I had dozens of plant pots, I no longer appear to have any - I have a new rose and he has dug up my cabbages!

I am asking him no questions.

I am here

I have been busy - Veronica is back to sending me one word messages ........... today's was sand?

Visiting Aberdeen

Wait until I tell you about Big Kevin who knew all about the River Don!

Home

Travelling home tomorrow - Albert said he has vacuumed and decorated .........
Decorated what?

Scotland

I am in Scotland without Albert ..........

White coffee

Hello David from Cardiff - I did indeed have a coffee with Veronica; she had two white wines - one for her and one for me!

What did she say?

Veronica laughed, laughed and laughed and then cuddled me!

Did I tell you that Bernard died (sad) - Veronica did say she could have been a rich widow.

Emilio is the love of her life and always will be - she left me on the corner of George Street, waving frantically and clutching Bernard's letter.

Such a lot to tell Veronica

Stuffing the long lost love letter from Bernard into my best handbag, I am setting off to meet my friend.

I hope she understands because I cannot remember the event ...............

Last minute

I am meeting Veronica tomorrow for coffee!

A party

My allotment pals are hosting a party for me in honour of Elvis.

That is nice.

Elvis update

Elvis went to sleep on Friday I hope he is travelling around on a cloud, eating chicken legs, mice and cheese.

He was a great pal and I shall miss him.

Poor Elvis

Something serious happened and I will not be visiting the allotment - tell you next week.

No outings

My Monday and Tuesday lunch has been cancelled, oh well there is Wednesday and Thursday!

Confusion

I bumped into Gwen a school friend today and told her that Linda Mary Onions had died - yes she said she died in 2013; it was the day I got my new car.

I did not know what to say and hesitated before I told her that the funeral was held on Wednesday .............. yes, she died in 2013, it was the day I got my new car.

Oh dear

Portugal

Statistics prove that I am popular in Portugal this week.

A wake consequence

Albert answered the telephone - apparently Dorothy has lost her teeth and have we seen them?

Another wake

Albert and I were invited to a wake three years ago by Adrian and Dorothy - the venue was a local pub; a great day with good food and1940s entertainment.

The next day Dorothy had a heart attack.

We were invited to similar events at different locations for two further years.

This year this wonderful eccentric couple had a 'wake' at home in case an ambulance was needed.

The wake idea came about after Adrian and Dorothy went to a funeral and enjoyed it! 

Albert left early and I returned home three hours later ................. I can still type!

Tractor

I overtook a tractor today driven by a lady in a dressing gown, did she steal it?  Should I have called the police .................?

Still stopping in

I need to be with Albert this week as I am lunching out all next week??

Still not seen Veronica.

Onion harvesting

Elvis is upset because I dug up the onions - he is now sleeping on my spinach which is  looking very forlorn and flat.

Green postcard

Message for Delphine from Chester, it was a plain green postcard Veronica sent me; for no obvious reason.

Stopping in

I have stayed with Albert all week - apart from my sewing class, walking and allotment tending.

I was going to iron yesterday but cannot find the iron and was certainly not going to ask Albert where he keeps it ............ still not found the self raising flour!

Must go as I need to cut Albert's hair before we attend a wedding.

Veronica was available today but I am busy, not seen her for ages.

Visit to the vets

Poor Elvis is sick and needs an X-ray, Albert will take him as I am busy.

Busy week

It is National Allotment week ...........

A green postcard

I received a green postcard today from Veronica; she is on holiday.

My mother in law used to describe letters to me and gave me their measurements??

Letters in the attic

My sister in law said that if I found a letter from 1966 my attic really needs clearing out.

I tried to tell her that I was unaware of the existence of the said letter and no Albert has not read it.

Travelling with Jimmy Nail

I travelled to my sewing class today with Jimmy Nail, Ronan Keating and a touch of Enya.

I finished my nightie and want to show Veronica but she has disappeared again.

I want to offer her an olive tree!

A meeting in October

I hope to see Veronica in October because we are both busy; I have my sewing course to finish - should I model my new nightie in the store? 

I have many things to do at the allotment, I have volunteered to read at the local library and I am visiting Opal and Remington in Aberdeen for a week in September - I forgot to invite Albert.

Enjoy my gibberings while you can ......

Today

I will keep writing to you until I hear from Veronica.

I was busy today building a shed with Angelique Lavender - she bought me a bun and a cup of coffee.

Pandora's box and the possible end of Eunice and Veronica .....

Oh dear Veronica will not like me.

I re-read the letter and was shocked and horrified to note the comment that the letter was sent via me to Veronica.  Bernard had not been waiting outside the coffee bar for me but Veronica!

How had this happened, I know it was many years ago but why had I not given her the letter or did I?

I need to tell my friend all about this and then wait - perhaps there will be no more crochet lessons, bottles of red wine or donkey rides.

Telephone calls are no good I will have to face her.

Albert I may be staying home for a long while.

Party night

Albert took me to a party last night and tonight I am meeting my school mates .............. I am a bit tired so may need a sleep.

I will mention Bernard to my friends and I have not forgotten about you.

No Veronica

Veronica has asked me to make her a dress and given me a year to do so -  I like her but the answer is a definite no!

Body building

I discreetly sneaked off to sewing today - Albert has enjoyed my company for days.

Earlier in the week I bought material from a famous craft store and during the course of the conversation, whilst making my purchase; I asked the assistant a question about the material.  Robyn was her name, she laughed and told me she did not know as she was a body builder and offered to be my personal trainer!  I AM LEARNING TO SEW.

I have been asked to return to the store and model the nightie I am making, perhaps not - unless Veronica accompanied me.

Suspense ......................

Richard, Peter, Frank, Joelle and many more - I am not telling you about Bernard until next week.

Angelique said I stole him from her - no this was a different Bernard ............... tell you later.

Lost love

I found a letter from Bernard - I will tell you tomorrow as I need to read it again and again .....

Feeling pleased

I was so thrilled to be invited to Tristan's for the day, until he told me to bring a spade, fork and dibber!

Oh what fun ....... I will not wear my new dress then?

Veronica is attending a 'do' today wearing a posh frock and expensive hat; I still have not caught up with her and she must have so much to tell me.

Sewing and singing .......

I promised Albert that I would stay home today and began to sew, I needed to finish a bag I started to make many weeks ago.

All well and good until I put a Pavarotti cd on to play - Albert could not stand it and went out along with Elvis.

I did stay in ..................

Acting again

Much to Albert's annoyance I am meeting a long lost relative from Australia (he was invited) and then I received the acting email ...................

Decisions, decisions too much on the same day.

I said no to the audition, what a shame; a day in Manchester would have been fun.

Veronica

Veronica is lunching a lot but I have not seen her - we need to talk and arrange another day out.

I suppose we could stay at home and knit?

Must go as Elvis is fighting with a hedgehog ......

Another tree

I am tired today and Albert is out dog walking - so I am sitting under a plum tree all day hoping to finish my book.

Another outing

I forgot to tell you that Violet Rose and I had a wonderful day in Hebden Bridge, we met a famous author under a chestnut tree.

Ireland

I am popular in Ireland this week.

Update

I promised Albert I would stay at home this week, after I have had my hair done, met Marveena for lunch, accompanied June Mary Pancake on a health walk and taken the minutes of the allotment meeting ...............

I think this leaves Saturday?

Respect and revenge

Albert and I travelled to York to catch a train to Edinburgh - whoopee haggis burgers and whiskey!

We had booked seats and were seated comfortably when an elderly gentleman got on at Darlington - we assisted him with his suitcase and backpack and he then demanded most of the leg and foot room.

I mentioned respect and indeed I was not rude to the said gentleman, as I was seated opposite him with no leg room etc I just put my feet on top of his which was ideal. 

He moved .............

Bag of nuts and Shiraz

Watching football with Albert!

Angelique Lavender

Oh yes, I forgot to tell you ............

     she is a French lady with auburn hair, a lisp and Yorkshire accent - I shall mention her again as she is interesting.

Veronica is still at the seaside.

 

 

A confession

I have to tell the truth to Paul Clarkson-Pancake, from Liverpool - I do have an allotment but only part own it with Trevor, Brian and Geoff.

I am in charge of the herbs and flowers and keep the shed tidy.

Albert thinks my allotment pals are named Tracy, Mary and Josephine.

Veronica thinks I should tell Albert the truth?

 

 

Just another friend ..............

Did I tell you about Angelique Lavender, I will tell you tomorrow ...........

Bucket, spades and a donkey

I went to Bridlington on a day trip with a load of pensioners!

Betty and I decided to visit Witherspoons after a paddle and a talk to a donkey - all was going well until she returned from the bar with a full bottle of red wine for me; I did ask for a glass.

We had to steal the top of the tomato sauce to take the wine back home - all would have been well if Veronica had been with us.

Allotment time

I have been busy digging a new plot at the allotment, with Trevor - I take a salad for lunch and bread rolls and Trevor supplies the red wine.

Albert is at home with Elvis cutting the lawn ... and of course getting his own lunch.

Glastonbury

I forgot to go to Glastonbury and I had two tickets!

Next year I will go glamping with Veronica if Albert will not come with me.

Veronica update

Veronica has been busy baby sitting and is going away to the seaside next week.

I must arrange to see her as we have no date for July - Veronica are you in?

Jo Brand

It has been said that I resemble Jo Brand - I cannot see it myself and never wear a hair slide.

Back to the story:

Albert and I were in a pub watching England lose the football when suddenly a burly young man approached me and said, "you are Jo Brand" - I was not given time to say no and he would not have believed me. 

It would have been rude not accept his glass of red wine and another ............... I left before he asked for my autograph.

Sorry Jo ............

Away day

Albert took me away for a cheap 3 nights in a 300 year old castle - it was ok there was a roof on the building; things fell off the dressing table because the room slopped but it was clean.

Denise and Dennis were two waiting staff members - if you dared change your order Denise shouted at you or barked is that all; Dennis was a sweet guy from Barcelona.  I hope that Dennis does not pick up Denise's bad habits.

Where were we, I cannot say or you will all want to go and we have a loyalty card!

China

I am popular in China today.

Dunedin New Zealand

A message for Caitlyn in Dunedin - leaving the EU is not going to change my blog at all.

Cocoa

I made it back in time and was drinking cocoa on the sofa when Albert returned!

Sneaking out .......

Albert is going out early tonight and I have said I will stay in - I will then dash out for a few hours to meet my special school pals.

I will be in bed with a book when he returns and I hope Albert will be none the wiser.

Pink wine and paddling

We are getting too old for donkey rides ......

What a wonderful day with Veronica, we laughed and laughed and had a donkey ride!

Packed

All ready for my day out with Veronica - first aid kit, wet wipes, umbrella and small bottle of red wine; Veronica will have her own wine bottle.

Baking

I am busy baking today, why?

Because I am out for the day with Veronica on a bus trip to the seaside ..............whelks with vinegar, candy floss, fish and chips and pink wine.

Back before dark Albert, enjoy your pie and buns.

Yesterday

Albert locked me out of the house yesterday, he left his key in the door and I could not unlock it.

He was very annoyed when I returned home five hours later - was I supposed to sit on the doorstep and wait?

I went in search of Veronica ........

America

I am popular in America today ......

Dangerous crocheting

 Last night Albert caught his toe in a treble crochet stitch in my crocheted blanket, landing heavily on the dressing table.

He is ok this morning just a bit shaken - should I crochet a single stitch blanket not big enough for his toe?

Vets again

Well, Elvis has a saw head ...........

A sore head

Albert and I were away for my birthday when I received a message from Margareta about Elvis.

The message asked when I was home because Elvis had a saw head - different!

A party

I went to a party without Albert last night and had a wonderful time.

I was dancing with eighty three year old Dorothy,  drinking cocktails and giggling with three beautiful Norwegian students ........... such a pity you had a headache Albert!

A Dear John letter

I once wrote a proper Dear John letter ...... my Mother made me!

However, this letter was addressed to John Rose who runs a craft class in Macclesfield market - I can now crochet a perfect poppy. 

Thanks John, see you next year.

A pen friend

Warren Bracegirdle wants to write to me - sorry Warren I have too much gardening to do.

Writing ......

A writer friend sent me details of a competition (writing of course) which ends on 6 June - oh if only I could.

I am visiting Mabel Elizabeth in Manchester for culture, singing, walking and drinking; surely I told you. 

Albert is staying at home looking after Elvis - he is getting ready to take me to the railway station .............. see you soon.

Veronica's holiday

Veronica is at the seaside and she said she is intending to stay there ........... ok I shall visit!

Sacked

Elvis is not doing his job properly as the pigeons have eaten my purple sprouting broccoli.

I need a scarecrow.

Knitting

Did I tell you about the knitting group?

I will never be able to knit a sock and talk - I just talked and listened and what a revelation.

Just in case you think that knitting is boring ...?  I must go back with a large notebook!

Glamping

I was supposed to go glamping with various young relatives but I forgot to go, they bought red wine specially for me too!

Blogging

Found a note upstairs that said no blogging today - boiling eggs.

What was that about?

Weather

Foggy today, setting off early for yoga - leaving Albert a bacon and egg pie.

Planting

I hurt my back planting leeks - Albert had to bake his own cake!

A pink balloon

Veronica and I had an enjoyable afternoon not drinking coffee, I returned home with a pink balloon .............. Albert certainly is not amused.

I will bake him a cake tomorrow.

Afternoon tea

Veronica and I are meeting for afternoon tea, that is the plan so far .......

A true story

A friend collected her husband from hospital and she forgot his clothes - he had to go home in his pyjamas and slippers!

I think she did it on purpose.

Cherry update

There are twenty eight cherries on the tree!

Called off

Not meeting Veronica because her cousin's daughter's dog has died?

Albert I am staying home today.

Veronica update

I am meeting Veronica tomorrow for a cultural day in York, I hope we are having lunch too?

Be careful

I bought a set of new knives and told Albert to be careful when he used them, I repeated this warning -  I have just returned from the hospital with a thumb injury after cutting my thumb.  I wish I had listened to my advice!

Old old school friends

Tell you later, several people have arrived for a cup of tea!

Song contest

The statistics for my page views are like the Eurovision song contest - today I am popular in Portugal.

Elvis today

Elvis is fine thank you Nick Tinto from Darwin, he will not venture into the gooseberry bush again.

Cherry tree

When I bought my cherry tree the man at the shop told me I would not be around to see it bear cherries, he was wrong!

I have figs too, well three!

Gooseberry bush

Elvis is stuck in the gooseberry bush - I will be there as soon as I have typed this .........

Raining ....

I asked Albert if he wanted a game of scrabble, no he said - so I am off for the afternoon to paint my allotment shed!

Maybelline

Maybelline (my neighbour) looked after Elvis for me, Albert and I returned to find them both asleep in the sunshine; she had dropped her book and he was settled nicely on her knee.

An allotment visit tomorrow for you Elvis.

Away days

Albert and I were away for two days at the seaside, but no walking on the beach as it was quicksand - he did suggest a walk ........?

Mary from Doncaster

You do not know who Michael  Ball is ..... better google him - he is my friend now!

Tired again

I am tired for a different reason Albert took me into a pub that had 15 different gins; he would not let me try them all!

We are many miles away from Veronica  - he thinks I will behave?

Michael Ball

Thank you Michael  Ball  for  playing my music  request and getting the  title  right.

Tired

I am weary today so I shall stay in and watch football with Albert ........... well for an hour or two.

Meeting Veronica

Veronica was having lunch at a nearby restaurant with Emilio - I nipped out to see her and took her a few plants.  I had a quick conversation with her  began to leave and knocked over the plants - explaining the soil on the table was difficult.

A free course

I was convinced that I had enrolled for a free yoga class, but on reading the information pack it was to find I am attending a trampoline course.

Oh no!

Should I stop or should I go

It is raining so should I stop in and get Albert's lunch?

Of course not - I am sewing today and then meeting a long time acquaintance for a light lunch.

Poor Elvis

Elvis used to walk down the street to meet Albert and I when we went to the local pub, now he sits on the car and waits for us. 

So difficult

I am trying so hard to stay at home and be a 'normal' housewife - I will stick it until tomorrow and go out on Wednesday.

In Russia

I am very popular in Russia this week!

Some days

There are days when I do not do anything ....... today was not one of them?

Walking

I am walking with friends this morning, and will not be back for Albert's lunch - come with me said I with my fingers crossed.

I shall be back for dinner ........

Trouble with Elvis

Elvis is stuck up a tree, waiting for Albert to rescue him ...............

Rhubarb in my onions

I have rhubarb growing in my onion patch and onions in between my petunias?

Staying home this week and avoiding Veronica - I am exhausted after all that laughing on Friday.

We shall do it all again at the end of May.

Stood up

Veronica is never late and I was worried, I was in a pub on my own trying to be anonymous.  I tried ringing her, no answer; read two more pages of my book and smiled fleetingly at the man sat at the next table.

It was the correct day, I checked the calendar on my phone, where is she?

At last I made contact and would you believe she was in Witherspoons at the other side of town; how did that happen?

We had a similar experience some years ago when we were both waiting at separate locations and returned home upset - this time Emilio took charge of the situation and arranged to pick me up, and kindly took us both out for lunch.

Is this a sign of things to come, we shall in future make contact on the landline before leaving home - no Albert I am not giving up my lunch appointments with Veronica!

I nearly said yes!

Albert asked if I wanted to go and see the Tour of Yorkshire (bike riding)  in Beverley and I nearly agreed ........

No Albert I am meeting Veronica, we have lots to catch up with; yes you will be fine without me; yes they sell sandwiches in Beverley - I do not know if I shall be back to get your dinner!

How odd

I rang a long time acquaintance Janet Beer (of course it is not her real name, but close) and asked how she was?  This enquiry was a mistake because she told me she had suffered from a cold and was still telling me twenty minutes later.

Janet told me that she had travelled to York for the day and how I could have joined her, because she does not like to go for coffee on her own as SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND PEOPLE LOOK AT HER.

I made no comment and very rapidly hung up - does she mean that I am not beautiful?

A venue

Veronica has sent me instructions for our late lunch on Friday.

Once again Albert is worried ........... perhaps he should get his own tea.

A note to Abigail

Abigail from Much Wenlock  (somewhere in Shropshire) believes I really know Richard Gere.

The seaside

I had a day at the seaside yesterday, meeting up with wonderful relatives.

Whilst waiting for the bus I was bombarded with questions by two elderly ladies who both wanted to know where I was going and why. 

I cannot help it, I told them I was having lunch with Richard Gere; one lady had never heard of him and the other said really?  I walked away with a wink ................

Richard Gere does not drink!

This week

Monday -       out for breakfast with Albert
Tuesday -      hair appointment, may go purple again?
Wednesday - enrolled on a sewing day
Thursday -     shopping and yoga
Friday -          LUNCH WITH VERONICA
Saturday -      light dusting

London Marathon

Christina and I were due to run the marathon but her shoelace broke - next year then?

Decorating

Albert is decorating and I am busy trying to avoid helping him.

Today's page views

I am popular in Germany today.

Farting Beryl

Yoga today - I really cannot see why Beryl has to fart when she lifts up her arms?

Hair nest

I cut Albert's hair in the garden last week before the snow came.  I noticed, in the hedge a blackbird has a warm nest lined with Albert's hair - should I tell him?

I will tell him when I come back from yoga.

Tuesdays

Tuesdays are busy in America for page views?

No water

I am out for the day today as we have no water - Albert said we would manage, oh no I will not.

Where am I going, no plans as yet I will decide when I get to the bus stop.

Page views

Mondays are busy too?

Weekends

I seem to have a large audience on a weekend, I wonder why, Veronica will know.

I saw Veronica today, she waved at me.

Bedtime

Albert and Elvis are asleep on the sofa.

Rust

I stayed at home with my metal detector as it was snowing, I did not want to get my equipment wet as it may rust.

I will try again tomorrow.

A new hobby

I bought a metal detector and obviously I am keen to use it.

Albert is worried that he will never see me ............. I suppose it could be arranged.  However, I am intending to visit the seaside and test my brand new metal detector, I will be gone approximately 5 hours - Albert you need to stay home and look after Elvis.

I shall go tomorrow as I am walking with friends today leaving Albert to get his own lunch; I did invite him?

Duplicate messages

Veronica is sending me emails twice, yes the same one; should I reply to each or cut paste and merge her!

So looking forward to our next day out.

LECTURA ESPANOL

This story is not about Albert nor indeed me -

Violet Rose was in Barcelona and thought she would see what I was doing, all well and good up to now.  Her phone/tablet asked for her location which she gave as Spain and Eunice and Veronica was then delivered to her in Spanish; we did not learn Spanish in school so she will have been none the wiser.

Cloud Flower

Did I tell you about Cloud Flower?

She is tall, gorgeous, a writer and still a hippy ............. we had an awesome lunch with lots of chat and laughing.

And, Cloud Flower tells me I am talented ARE YOU LISTENING BBC?

Sheffield

I am meeting a famous author on Wednesday in Sheffield, I will be wearing a daffodil and travelling on the Newcastle train ..........

Of course Albert is unhappy!

Onions and more onions

Re-planted 165 onions today - Elvis is keeping a low profile and is appropriately missing!

Security man

I cannot possibly tell you about the security man who grabbed my arm as I attempted to leave the pub in pursuit of Warwick and Bernicia; I was still
clutching my drink but not for long .........

Friday night

I was out with 'old' school friends last night - I really need to stop in for a week or two and go to bed early!

A worry

My perpetual New Zealand beet was planted in the moonlight, do I transplant them in the moonlight?

I cannot go out in the dark again with a spade.

Email

I just received an email from a dear friend saying she is sorry that she is bad at circusponding - love the word!

Worried about Albert

Albert is asking me why - why am I going to the shops, why am I writing a letter, why am I gardening etc ............?

Help, I need a day away - contacted Veronica and we have a date for April. 

Not sure I can last that long so I am ready with my coat on (and typing) and about to wave at Albert before he says why!

Another wedding

Albert and I have been invited to a wedding, should I take him or go on my own?

I will ask Veronica, she is good with answers - I could take her .............

The wedding

What an amazing wedding, I have never seen so much bling and such stunning outfits.

I came as Mabel Elizabeth's guest as it was her son who was the groom.

Albert told me he missed me, most unusual and he did not mess with my cupboards?

Sore feet

My feet are killing me ................

Monday

See you on Monday - I am ready with my dancing shoes packed for the wedding.

Please leave my cupboards alone Albert.

A wedding

I am away this weekend at a wedding, I am leaving Albert in charge of Elvis and my onions.

Bad cat

Elvis has dug up all my onions, all 180 of them; what is matter with him?

It took me an hour to re-plant - I will try to keep him indoors for the summer.

An idea, Veronica has no garden perhaps she would like to look after Elvis; I will ask her.

No Elvis

I will tell you tomorrow.

Another crochet lesson

We need a day out Veronica on our own - how about a crotchet lesson with a bottle of red, in front of a log fire?

April should be good.

Lunch today

I am taking Albert out for lunch today because I am away this weekend at a wedding.  Albert was invited to the wedding but declined the offer so how can he complain about my absence? 

I was tempted to lock my kitchen cupboards but Veronica said I should not spoil his fun.

No flour

I give up, I was out for a few hours and Albert has re-arranged my cupboards again.  I am not asking him where the flour and sugar are ..............

Onions

I had forgotten why I do not grow onions -  Elvis likes to sit/lay/squash them!  Last week I planted 180 onions and they are attracting his attention already; get off my onions cat!

I suppose I could grow a patch especially for him and fence the rest of the garden off.

Albert can you just build me a fence please.

Change of plan

I am not going glamping as I do not have a sleeping bag!

Glamping

I have apparently agreed to a glamping holiday in May; after a gin and tonic or two!

I will wait a while before I tell Albert.

Garden update

My plan is to fill every possible space in my garden and then I can spend days/weeks on my allotment!

See you later Albert.

A planned event

I have cancelled a meeting with Veronica  next week for unusual reasons ..........

Hair cutting skills

Message to Stan Soap from Adelaide - of course I was sober when I cut Albert's hair!

A tough assignment

Today was the day I cut Albert's hair, he sat on a chair looking scared, as I approached him with my sturdy hair clippers! 

He was frightened but I was very brave and ignored his protests - I enjoyed my half hour of power and I am so looking forward to doing it again next month.

Saved a dollar or two.

Broken .........

Albert and I went to a party last night with free wine and champagne.

............... I cannot wait to go back to bed!

To make matters worse, Albert is unwell and was drinking water all evening, I am trying very hard to look sober; may need to hide in the garden?

BBC

After I have planted my lettuce and leeks I am going to write to the BBC and ask how my radio programme is coming along ?

Come on BBC I need to leave Albert a few weeks/months a year and I have so many stories to tell, before I die!

High fives

I have been busy re-designing my garden and preparing my allotment for a manure delivery.  Will be back blogging soon, I will ......

I still have not cut Albert's hair, I think I will just give him a fiver and send him to the barbers shop.

Spinach

I am planting my spinach in the moonlight tonight, the seed packet told me to.

The castle

The castle was warm and had a complete roof.

Log fires, card games, dominos and sherry before dinner we had a wonderful few days with Veronica and Emilio.

Not yet

I have not cut Albert's hair yet the clippers are still charging? 

Last blog???

Tomorrow I am cutting Albert's hair - the appliance is on charge for 16 hours at present.  Whilst in New Zealand a wonderful lady named Anna Cross-stitch cut his locks and I hope I can manage to do the same.

If I take lumps out of his hair and scalp I am running away to live with Veronica and never blog again.

We will see .................

Exhausted

Socialising is such hard work and I need to be in good form to join Veronica next week.

Come on Elvis we are going to plant broad beans .......

I will stay in and rest tomorrow.

Our holiday home

We are staying in a castle near Whitby, Veronica's family own land nearby.

Veronica said do not worry, it will be fine - it was such a cheap deal there is probably no roof on the castle.

I still wanted my acting part but my pal's company is worth the sacrifice.