Lost and found

I have found my earrings, they were on the sofa; Veronica said I should clean up more often.

Still lost

I am still searching for my earrings; Veronica has offered to help me look.

Albert is worried because the hunt involves a bottle of wine.

A bell

Sally Lunn is invited to a bell ringing ceremony in the morning to celebrate the Olympics where they are giving away bacon sandwiches.  Obviously she has to take a bell and was taking along a small glass bell, no good I told her and produced my mother’s bell which had once belonged to the local school; she rang it when meals were ready and she could not find me or my siblings; the bell also has three clappers.

Veronica remembers this bell.

Frogs

I have ten frogs in my watering can.

Veronica called asking me how to cook artichokes; I have only eaten them so she will have to phone another friend.

Another book

Posy Silversleeves has offered me the sequel to twenty eight shades of grey but I need to do some housework; I will collect it tomorrow.

I do not think Veronica will like it.

Out of date

My flour needs to be used within the next three days, I have some past its prime cheese too so shall bake for Albert between trying to finish the twenty eight shades of grey book.

Veronica will have to wait.

A book

I am reading a new book called twenty eight shades of grey, I have passed page 116 which was the page recommended by the lady in the shop.

I cannot remember Albert doing that.

Veronica wants me to read it quickly so she can borrow it.

A letter

I sent a letter to our local paper and wondered why they had not published it; I realized why when the council replied to my email. 

Veronica said I should be more careful with technology.

Orange juice

I should have drunk orange juice; Violet Rose had to take me home, I must apologize to her – perhaps she is reading this?

Albert wants to take me out for the day without a coat and pork pie; he knows I have a headache.

I have lost my earrings; I was wearing them when Warwick’s kick boxer instructor was cuddling me?

A birthday treat

Warwick is thirty-five today and he is meeting up with friends in York, Albert has been invited but he did not invite his mother.

I have a plan …….  Violet Rose and I are going shopping if we set off now we could be there by 4 p.m.  We will have one drink and leave as I only want to embarrass him for a short while. 

Must go I have a fast bus to catch.

Lost shopping

I bought some new knickers and two nightdresses from my favourite shop St Michael’s Shop but when I returned home I only had the nightdresses, what happened to the knickers?

Reminds me of a job I had many years ago, gist of story – I acquired some new underwear from Father Christmas’s bran tub.  Later in the day after lunch in the nearby pub I realized my present was missing ……… rang the pub, looked in my desk, nothing.

When I left my job (I had lots) I received a large parcel, it took at least twenty minutes to open it and lo and behold inside were my missing drawers together with a compliment slip suggesting that I may need them for my new job.

I never wore them.

Fussy cat

Elvis (my cat) has a red crocheted blanket which is kept on the leather sofa, so he does not scratch it – whilst teaching Veronica to crochet I made him a green one and he does not like it.  I washed the old red one and he is happy  ….. Obviously not colour blind then.

Not Saturday

I am back because Mabel Elizabeth was sick, Albert was surprised I had returned early; told him I am due another weekend away.

Away away

Mabel Elizabeth is taking me away for the night for my birthday and then we are looking after a cat, dog and pub until Friday.

See you Saturday.

Florrie

I once lost Florrie my mother-in-law on a day out, I packed her and a picnic in the car and hit the road.  After driving for a short while I found a suitable hill, with views and plenty of grass.  Florrie stood up and fell down the hill; she was only slightly stunned but was annoyed she had lost her pickled egg.

Romance

Albert told me to grab my coat and a pork pie, we were going out.

Retirement

Veronica is retiring, will that mean more days out or will she help me with my allotment?

Today's saint

Veronica is on holiday; she asked me to find a saint to stop the rain –  I am praying to St Honoratus of Arles and St Scholastica; I hope it works.

I bought new sandals too and they are not waterproof.

Christmas

Albert has bought me a new handbag for CHRISTMAS 2012 – I deprecate the significance of his action?

Perhaps it is because there are Christmas cards in the shops and he thinks Christmas is imminent.

Washing up bowl

Did I mention my New Zealand visitors – they wanted to know why I had a washing up bowl. 

To soak my feet in obviously.

More visitors

We have Australian visitors this week and they want avocados for breakfast with their egg and bacon?   This is England; I explained that supermarket bought avocados have to be ripened for at least six weeks on the window sill and then the idea of having them with a salad has worn off by then.

Veronica is wrong

Veronica said I pay too much for my garden seeds; I duly went to her favourite shop the ninety-nine pence shop.  When I opened the seed packets I was surprised to find only three seeds; surely if I pay three pounds and find hundreds of seeds it is cheaper.

She can buy her own spinach now.

Watering can

I have a resident frog in my watering can.

It is Christmas

I sent Albert for the fly spray; he was not wearing his glasses . . . . and it was Christmas gold glitter that he squirted at the fly; it will still be on the window at Christmas!

I was speechless.

Don't worry

I am back, had computer problems; could be the rain.