A bored cat

Elvis is so fed up he sent a postcard to his pen cat Basil.

George Hankey

George Hankey from Truro contacted me about my semi-colons which he says are misplaced. 

No comment George.

 

Moggy

What an ugly cat Elvis is today, I told him but he does not appear to care.

A game of pool

Did I tell you about our game of pool – before the wine and curry?  I am not playing pool with Veronica again, not if she is wearing that tangerine thermal vest!

 

 

 

Unusual

Albert is tidying my cupboards again and I am in!!!

I must have the tidiest cupboards in Yorkshire.

 

Hiding mirrors

I am not allowing Elvis to look in mirrors today; the vet has shaved some of his fur off and told him he is too old to fight.  He is a bonny sight – bald with bent whiskers.  I will stay in with him today, Elvis I mean not Albert.

 

 

Seeking Elvis

Elvis saw the cat basket and shot out of the back door, he is now under the hedge – Albert is trying to whistle at him and talk to him but he is not budging!

Me – I am just watching their progress, there is an hour to go before the vet’s appointment.

 

A sick cat

Elvis is unwell – poor Elvis; a visit to the vets tomorrow.

 

A hobby

Albert needs a hobby or a paper round then he would not miss me. 

 

 

Nearly lost

I arranged to meet Veronica on the bus to Wetherby on Wharfe as it went through my village – the bus was late and she was not texting me; where was she.  The bus was late, will I see her on the bus of course I did she was wearing a large pink hat; I was tempted to sit elsewhere for a minute or two.

 We shopped for a while and then investigated a local hostelry but were slightly alarmed to be followed by two burly policemen.  We kept a low profile and ordered a bottle of approachable red wine to go with our curry. 

 Albert was pleased to see me back home and he had only re-arranged one cupboard.

Another rubbish poem

WHAT CAN YOU DO WITH AN AXE

What can you do with an axe

Use it to remove leg wax

Build a house from scratch

Complete with rabbit patch

Frame it

Take it down the pit

Use it as a forfeit

Use it in the perfect murder

 

The list goes no further

A decision

A beach house in New Zealand or Scarborough, North Yorkshire  ……?  I will ask Veronica tomorrow what she would do.

 

 

 

Monday

Veronica and I are shopping tomorrow which will not take long and then another lunch; I have not seen her for so long.

I do hope that she has not given up alcohol for Lent; I refuse to drink lemonade.

What an opportunity

I went along to a football club today with a Sports Journalist and the match was abandoned due to unstable ground.  I was so upset because I had many phrases ready; sidelined, defeated, draw, equaliser and I was prepared to make up my own. 

Raymond is willing to take me again next week; I must remember to tell Albert.

 

 

A Mama Mia Day

Veronica and I have been invited to a Mama Mia event, oh what to wear and how high will the tables be?

 

Cure for Flatulence

Thank you BBC for your song of the week – Beryl, it states she is a rebel and does what she does; repeat and does what she does.

I am going to learn the words and sing it to Beryl the phantom farter at yoga next week; she will do the encore!

 

 

 

 

Reinventing myself ........

I used to be a poet
On par with Keats and Casper Bluett
However, it messed with my head
cos everything I said
Was in rhyme all the time

I stopped my addiction

And solved my affliction

But I miss my poems and prose

So I propose to ditch the dominos

And make a come back

I may even make it in paperback

 

 

Writers' lunch

My beautiful talented literary companion told me to bring some examples of my writing – I brought a bag full of scribbles, notes and rubbish.
 
Caitlin told me I have hidden talent – now what shall I do with it?

 Lunch was good but I hardly remember what I had?

 Veronica insists on an update so I need to go out again.

 

 

Mirrors

I had an interesting conversation with Veronica today about mirrors, she said she does not like M & S mirrors and I worry about my mother following me in mirrors; the reason for this conversation we could not recall.

After the mirror bit she told me that she is unable to make lunch today; that is ok I will not be on my own and Albert is at home with Elvis (I hope).

Update later.

 

 

An Australian bus trip

I was travelling from Sydney to Toowoomba which was a 24 hour bus journey; the elderly lady sat next to me told me that on her previous trip her travelling companion had died. 

I spent the entire trip checking she was still alive! 

A special day

Albert bought me a bottle of red wine and ukulele lessons – I can see the reason for the wine but my ukulele tuition is hard to understand.
 
I am preparing to bake Albert a cake this afternoon.

 

Lunch

Pea and spinach soup today – Albert does not like spinach.

I am wondering what to buy Albert for Valentine’s Day …… I will ask Veronica for a sensible suggestion.

 

 

Still on the bus

Heidi and Susan were mother and daughter - Heidi told me in a loud voice that she was looking for a rich man with a diamond encrusted arse ……. I was speechless for a while. 

I liked Heidi and wished her good luck.

 

And then .....

Cyril tried to apologise to me, telling me he was allergic to celery …… I felt as if I had missed a bit of this conversation and just nodded.

 

More bus stories

I was given a newspaper on the return journey and Cyril who appeared to be meek mannered asked if he could borrow it - I handed the newspaper to him and he screamed and clutched his chest; apparently my newspaper was a conservative one and he did not want it, do not read the political bits then said I, but it is a conservative newspaper he replied - at this point I was sorely tempted to hit him with it; I did not ask him to read it he asked me ………..

This was just one of the reasons I am never going on a bus tour again.

What an ice cream

I had a sloe gin ice cream with gin liqueur topping yesterday, convinced Albert it was a mixed berry type ……..

Busy today writing a book about a bus trip!

 

Social Media

Why am I now friends with my next door neighbour on Bookfacing  – going to delete her and call for a cup of tea.

 

Half of Enid's story

I forgot to tell you about Enid and the bus driver – she kept telling him to travel a different route when we were out for the day; wildly she clutched her map, gesticulating with her arms trying to attract his attention whilst he was driving.

Malcolm, the bus driver stopped the bus and very imaginatively told her what to do with her map; some of the similar aged passengers were horrified at his suggestion but I became Malcolm’s best mate because I could not stop laughing.

Albert was with me on this trip too but was keeping a low profile.

 

 

Jehovah Witness

I had a very unusual Jehovah Witness at the front door, she wanted to know why I was still in my nightclothes and then asked if I was interested in Jehovah Witness dating. 

I sent her away telling her I was highly infectious ……..was she lying about the dating?

 

 

 

 

Back to Yorkshire

I did not go to work but instead went on a bus trip to Cornwall with Stanley Jelly bus trips ………. Enid from Dudley will be the first story I shall tell you this afternoon.

 

Working

I am working away until Friday and I am taking a rest from my laptop..  see you soon.

 

 

Richard Branson

I once wrote to Richard Branson offering to check out hotels and holiday destinations; this was to be with Mabel Elizabeth.  I offered to pay for our lunch and gin.

I had a very interesting reply from Necker Island but cannot divulge the contents because after all he may have offered me the job – no one suspects two older ladies of being under cover agents ……… ?

Weekend reads

And then of course there are my weekend readers, Merlot for one who has offered to leave Dublin in search of Mary from Sligo.