Local paper

I have an article in the local paper – fame is so slow in arriving.

 

Pantomime

Veronica is travelling to York today in the snow to see Old Mother Goose - I emailed the Dame and asked him to say hello and other things to my friend; I may need to avoid her for a while.

I happen to know that the phantom wind breaker Beryl is also at the same performance – I hope that she is not sitting near her; on reflection she should be ok it usually happens when she lifts her legs in the air!

Charity shop lettuce

Listen to me Albert – I told him that the carrier bag contained lettuce and cabbage for Harold the rabbit down the street; not the lilac one from next door.

Albert collected the carrier and took it to the local charity shop; he should stick to sorting out cupboards! 

Poor Harold did not get his treat.

 

 

 

Missing in Sligo

Meant to tell you Veronica, Mary wears glasses.

 

 

 

A circle theory

According to Tristan if you make a circle of something perhaps marbles, stones etc cats will sit in the middle – I tried this with Elvis and he was not interested.

It did not work Tristan.

Lost in Sligo

Veronica and Emilio have been invited to a wedding in Sligo now this is an opportunity I cannot resist; I will explain.  My Uncle Gerard married three Marys and the fist one came from Sligo – I have told Veronica that she smells of Devon Violets which she sprinkled generously on herself and her clothes.
 
Never mind the wedding I told her just look for Mary.

 

How many bottles

We only had one bottle and two extra glasses each ………

 

 

What a lunch

Tell you tomorrow …….

 

 

Changing places

Beryl was back at yoga today, the phantom wind breaker – I made a decision to move and ended up next to Enid who kept nudging me and asking me questions ….. this is supposed to be a relaxing session!

 

 

Not York

I met a lady on holiday named Carol-Ann who said she lived in York – she invited me to visit her and gave me her address in Hull …. Now that is odd and she also she told me lives in a huge villa?  I did not ask to be invited and I did not give her my details.

Now if Veronica is up for a trip I may visit her but we have more exciting things to do.

Lunch tomorrow with Veronica and all within walking distance …………

 

Scented candles

I am enjoying an evening alone with Elvis and decided to light a couple of candles - I know you are not to leave candles unattended but was not intending to be out of the room long.

On my return to the room moments later the aroma was of burnt fur – oh Elvis; he is unharmed just a bit scorched.

A red demand

Apparently I have not paid my allotment rent; I do not understand this as I asked Albert to send the council a cheque.

The allotment department were very understanding and I have arranged payment through my bank in future.

I am not staying at home all day Albert but nice try.

 

A busy calendar

I am in trouble with Albert because I have written words like Malta, Lisbon, Prague and other interesting places on the calendar; I have explained that it was wishful thinking but he will not listen ……..

 

 

 

 

A telephone call

Sam Chuck rang, he has found Albert?

 

 

Fleas

Elvis hates me because I squirted flea spray on him – he is looking around the house for Albert but I do not know where he is?

I will ring Veronica she may know where he is.

 

Empty cupboards

I escaped today to buy a pair of boots – it is Albert’s fault I spent so much money ………….. If only he had not started sorting my kitchen cupboards out again!

Returned home to empty shelves, what has he done with all my tinned tomatoes and beans and where is he?

 

 

New Zealand

When I was in New Zealand I auditioned to be a Hobbit but was too tall – bet you did not know that Veronica.  However, I suppose I would have only told you if my audition was successful ……………

 

Today's message

Veronica sent me a message today “Hobbit” – what does she mean, is she calling me a Hobbit or has she seen the film?  I need at least three words please friend.

 

Bring a photo (in case you do not know me)

Veronica I have found a new hairdresser, she is young and modern and I am now showing off a brand new purple hair do.  You will have no trouble recognising me next week for our lunch appointment but just in case I shall wear a daffodil on my coat.

I have frozen a meal for Albert already, in case we are not back for tea!

 

Short message

Veronica’s message today was Tuesday – I never see her on a Tuesday?

 

Mama Mia

Warwick’s girlfriend Bernicia said I was on television last night dancing on tables in Mama Mia – she obviously does not think I am boring.

Do you fancy dancing on tables with me Veronica on our lunch date on 23^rd February?

We need to travel afar so we are not recognised.

 

Gilbert

No time for lunch but I had a quick mulled wine with Violet Rose; this was after I returned home to the village on the hill, down the lane from Sheffield on Derwent.

Violet told me a story about Gilbert who is a large grey cat that sits on her wheelie bin.  Today whilst she was in the garden Gilbert was getting ready to leap onto the top of her wheelie bin but lid was off; how fortunate that she was there to save him.

 

 

Forget the tattoo

You forgot Veronica that I was on a cookery course in York today and had to set off before 7 a.m. – no time for lunch.

Can we forego our birthday tattoo and go cooking instead, it will be so much better than cooking with Baggy Potterfield – do you remember?  I cannot tell anyone about her, they would not believe me.

Then we can have an evening at a local bar smelling of herbs and spices!  I will buy your course and you buy mine ………….

 

 

A lunch appointment

Veronica has apparently invited me out for lunch and I have not responded – where, when ……….Now?

 

orange juice and lemonade

I have decided not to drink in January – yes I am aware it is only 9^th but now I am concerned that Veronica will not want to lunch with me. 

Veronica’s answer to this question will be that we wait until February?

Coded messages

Veronica is sending me one word messages, not sure why.

Thank you and goodnight ........

I have been reliably informed by friends that they check my blog when they return from the pub – should I be flattered?

 

I did not start the fire (well not on purpose)

I found a lamp in the attic, sadly not a magic one.  I positioned the said lamp in such a way that I could read a book and occasionally use my laptop too – I then left the room ………..

It was only a small fire and I no longer have a lamp – Albert said I should have checked the bulb for dust! 

I am busy tomorrow dusting light bulbs.

 

 

No Veronica

Obviously in some of my stories I use pseudonyms but I do indeed know a Mabel, Oswald, Tristan and perhaps a Violet or two.

However, many years ago Veronica and I re-named her sister Robina and she stuck to it - now Veronica has changed it again to Mabel?

 We need another crotchet lesson Veronica, where are you anyway?

 

A conversation with Albert

We were driving to see Tristan

Albert - I cannot see.  Me – put your sunglasses on

Albert – it is not summer.  Me – put your sunglasses on

Albert – I will manage  Me – put your sunglasses on

Albert, now screaming ……………  I still cannot see

I then turned on the radio and ignored him.

 

I NEED A DAY OUT WITH VERONICA – SOON.

Australian advice

I mentioned to Bertha in Wollongong that it was cold and may necessitate wearing a vest – she suggested a vest with two pockets; one for gin and the other for tonic.

 

How could she

I was asked by the assistant in the local supermarket if I had stayed awake until the New Year – I hesitated for a while thinking of a suitable answer. 

I cheerily replied that I had indeed been wide awake and had not returned home yet – hence this was why I was shopping ……. I went on to tell tales of night clubs, champagne and the early morning dip in the sea at Scarborough.

Ok she did not believe me but I felt better!

 

Bette Midler and Roy Rogers

Did I tell you about Bette and Roy who were in Tenerife – they were quite uncommon!

Albert tells me he has given up alcohol; perhaps I should not mention the fruit salad.

 

Fruit salad - a recipe

Strawberries, cherry brandy, oranges, cherry brandy, grapes, cherry brandy, blackberries, cherry brandy ...........         

I have no sugar!

Sore feet

My feet ache this morning – not my head Veronica, it must have been all that dancing with Norah Flowerwell.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish a Happy New Year to all my faithful readers

Thank you ……….. more later.