A visit

Mabel Elizabeth, Violet Rose and I went to Wetherby on Wharfe today and met Katrina, she lives at No 6 Something Street – I only went in to buy a scarf and left with 3 scarves and a lacy top.  Now Katrina was a find, we were given advice on romance and finance and she told us that her aunt was a famous writer.   Bother I forgot to ask if I could borrow a book of her aunt’s, never mind she knows I will be back because I offered to look after her shop at lunch time;  after my stint at Sid and Nancy’s place.

 

Out for the day

When I come back from my day out I must tell you about Spud and Shrek, remind me.

 

My shed

Maude, my sister in law suggested that I turn my shed into a coffee house (a wine house when Veronica visits) and then Albert cannot say I am out because I am in!

 

 

 

Money as well

Sid and Nancy Money have upped their offer to include payment as well as the vodka deal and they will collect me.

I have decided that I shall go but will wait until Albert returns from his holiday until I tell him.

I wonder if Violet Rose would like to learn about concrete – I can share my vodka with her.

 

 

 

Next week

Sid and Nancy have been in touch from the Concrete, Dog and Kipper Shop; they want me to look after their business for a day.  I have been offered ham sandwiches and large vodka and oranges.
                                                                           
My knowledge of concrete is scant, I am frightened of dogs and I do not like kippers – I will let them down gently.

 

 

Morning coffee

I have friends calling for coffee tomorrow and Albert has an unexpected dental appointment; such a pity as I would have made him nice coffee. 

They are staying for lunch too!

 

 

 

Busy packing

Albert is upstairs packing for his weekend away, how will I manage? 

I am not telling Elvis that Albert is away because last year he developed a limp and cost me the price of an x ray and anti limp tablets.  I will put a hot water bottle in his basket and buy him extra vitamins.

Have a good time Albert

 

Veronica is not talking to me

I should have told her that I was contacting the local paper about an interesting story; and I did not mean to mention how old she was.

Changing the story

I am back.

Need to massage the story that we got thrown out of a pub -

working on it.

See you later

Just nipping out for a few days – see you.

Veronica and I are famous

Many years ago, well forty seven to be precise my pal Veronica and I joined the Royal Observer Corps at a local village show. 

Now the local newspaper is running an article about this event and wants to interview us both.

We have declined the offer of an interview due to the signing of the Official Secrets Act.

Courgettes

My courgettes were looking very sad and a lovely lady named Daisy Finola said that tomato feed was the answer.

Daisy Finola was right they have gone mad, I am now approached by everyone on the allotment wanting to know my secret – keeping a watch on my courgettes.

 

Courgettes and beans for dinner Albert.

Did I tell you that Albert was going away; he is worried I may not cope; perhaps he should put the dustbin out now?

 

 

Turn off your phone

I had not heard from Veronica and decided to call her when I was on the bus to Cleethorpes, she did not respond because as I found out later she was in the middle of a meeting; oh dear.

The man who boarded the bus at Grimsby and sat next to me had a pet raccoon, named Alan; not very familiar with raccoons.

 

Fresh air

I need some fresh air so having a hobby day.

Setting off with pen and paper, camera and reading book – not sure where I shall go; I just need a bus.

I told Albert that you meet such a good mix of people on the bus, he is looking quite stunned ……….. going before he needs his lunch.

 

What a night

Same venue – the landlord once tried to throw us out because we had turned off the disco music; it was me and I was just trying turn it down.  This particular night we ended up dancing on the lawn with the DJ.

They need us their profits go up.

I told the story of Elvis trying to get in the bath, I screamed and Elvis cried – this went on to stories of cats; I loved the one about the cat with a magnetic collar and knife and fork attachments.

There was more but I cannot tell you everything today.

 

 

Another reunion

Talking Rioja tonight with school mates may not be able to type tomorrow.

Hope Veronica can make it.

I have lost all my tool bars again and need to contact Tristan - I think he is my son as I have forgotten what I called him.

Need to rush as I have just seen a lilac rabbit scurrying across my lawn.

 

Dustbins

Albert is insisting I learn how to take out the dustbins – I cannot see why.

He bought himself a present today, a new ironing board; it is blue and white with a gingham cover; I do not wish to share it.

 

 

 

Ange from Wondlepong

Ange wants to play dinner parties with me, I have to invite ten imaginary friends – I am too busy.

Bert

I did not go jiving last night, I was too tired.

Poor Bert misses me.

 

 

 

 

Car boot sale

Albert’s usual form of revenge for my leaving home is to re-arrange my kitchen cupboards and put things out of reach.

This time it is worse, he has decided we shall sell some things – all twelve boxes in all. 

I am traumatised, my Wedgwood, Crown Derby and even Norman my last remaining garden gnome; all heaped together in a box!

I am concerned that Veronica will agree with Albert so I will not contact her.

 

 

Facebook

I have given up my facebook ramblings – I haven’t got the time.

Resignation

I told Cliff I did not want to be his standby P.A. anymore and may contact Sinead O’Conner or Jo Brand – I am sure Veronica will advise me.

Working

I found Veronica; she has been working and thinks I should find a job.

As long as I feed Albert frugally I can afford our days out.

 

 

Flags and pigeons

Did I tell you about my flags?

I was thrilled to see in a local shop a sale of England flags which I believed  would solve my over friendly pigeon problem; so I bought a job lot.

 My garden is now quite unique and I am no longer visited by pigeons.

 

 

 

I need to talk to Veronica

I want to tell her about power play and none standard English.

I will tell her about my new friends.

 

The other tutor

Our other tutor was the talented Tania Hershman who has changed my shopping habits for life.  I nipped along to the local shop last night as Albert wanted a doughnut; I did try to buy some but this grisly tale of Tania’s kept popping into my head – I cannot tell you about it, well not yet.

Reminds me of a travelling tale with Mabel Elisabeth, we were in Tasmania and she was tired because she was doing all the driving; I had a chest infection and was drinking a bottle of cough medicine a day washed down with red wine – she eventually took me to hospital and I had to escape.

Oh yes, she was tired so I set off without my cough medicine to the local shop which was miles away and for a treat bought her a vanilla slice; I will not tell you what she said but apparently she hates vanilla slices!

 

Dr Who

Mabel Elisabeth telephoned me this morning asking about Rob Shearman (he was one of our wonderful tutors on the course, and wrote some of the Dr Who stories) – what was he like, is he funny, is he tall, did you tell him I love Dr Who?  I tried to tell her about me, did she want to know what I wrote, the other students, the location; she was still talking about Dr Who.

I hung up.

A Cossack

My friend Eudora from Whitby has booked a cruise to St Petersburg – she has promised to bring me a Cossack back, did I ask for one?

I told her not to waste her money and besides Albert would not like a Cossack.

 

 

A rest

I have more than 200 emails and then I need a rest.

I have so much to tell you.

 

 

U Tube

I was sat next to Japanese students on the train who took my photo – did they know I was famous?

 

Hola Veronica

I am back, must tell you about Sid and Nancy.

 

 

 

Heroine or I want to go to bed

Returned from my writing course and was going to go to bed when my next door neighbour appeared over the fence.  Her husband had been knocked off his bike and she needed to go to A & E – I am back now Pete’s only got a broken leg!

Albert is well and he has even cleaned the sink.

 

 

That is it then

All packed, pencils sharpened and I am ready for my writing course in Lumb Bank, have you heard of it.

See you on Saturday.

Albert is not saying a lot.

3 August

It is St Lydia’s day today.  She was a purple merchant – no do not Google it, in the first century it meant someone very wealthy; because purple dye was extracted from shellfish and only the elite could afford it.


I hope my purple hair colour is not extracted from shellfish; should I go back to being a  natural brunette?

 

A job

I have been offered a job at Flanagan, Higgins and Smyth but feel I must turn it down – what if Cliff needed me as his standby P.A.