Sick

Albert has man flu – he may not last the weekend?

Shopping

I meet a lovely friend of Warwick, and Tristan in the local supermarket; she thinks that I am sweet and demure ………..  I have told her to read my blog.

 

Jo Brand again

I was mistaken for Jo Brand, what fun ………. I should have accepted the pint and then told them who I was.

 

Bernadette

I must tell you about Bernadette, the lady with the stiletto heels.

I shall tell you later as I have to prepare Albert’s lunch for tomorrow, now what can I add to it?

 

My dancing dress

Albert and I were going to a dance with the local Hockey Club; I was so looking forward to wearing my familiar black, red and white dancing dress.

Albert does not want to go to the dance, I wonder if it is because his wife is so beautiful, talented and entertaining; perhaps he does not want to share me.

I wanted to go before my dress shrinks.

Trying again

Veronica is taking me to church tomorrow in Newcastle, she said to bring my prayer book but then remembered that it would be out of date – cheek.

Last time we went to this location we sat with the choir and the service was televised; we are used to publicity.

Oh, do not tell Albert but we are having a drink and lunch on the way home.

 

Away days

Did you wonder where I went, I shall tell you – I went to a spa with Mabel Elizabeth where I spent a day thinking and then two days having a pamper rush.

 

I am back

I came home early driving through blizzards and avoiding road closures; I was in such a rush because Elvis was sick.

Albert's meals

I have told him to visit Veronica – I have warned her.

A poem and a story

I need to write a poem and a short story to win competitions, how will I do this, by running away until Friday ….. See you then.

 

 

Shamrock

Nanny Riley sent me some shamrock; I shall wear it tonight for bingo.

St Patrick

Two years ago Albert and I were travelling in New Zealand and saw a sign which said St Irish Day today …………..

I think it is St Patrick’s Day and I have put on a pan of potatoes to boil for Albert’s tea.

 

A mistake

Albert’s friends contact him via my email; imagine my surprise to receive an email from Taff giving me details of my holiday to Florida? 

I was disappointed to find the email was sent in error.

 

Another week

Veronica is staying away another week, her wine bill will be huge.

 

 

Windmills

Albert bought me some windmills for the garden hoping to scare off the fat pigeons.

I have bought more lavender, making sure it is edible this time.

 

 

The same butcher

The butcher I avoided last year – see many blogs ago; I ordered some meat for last Tuesday.  On Friday morning at 4 a.m. I awoke and suddenly remembered I had forgotten my meat; the butcher has forgiven me but asked for my telephone number to avoid any further problems.

Snow

Veronica is away in Northumberland and snowed in, she said she will be back in May.

String

My Grandfather was right, you should always save your string; I needed lots to put my temporary scarecrow in place.  I have to visit the cheap shop again.

Albert is trying to train Elvis to scare off the pigeons but he is not interested.

 

My Mother's sheets

On a composting course many years ago I was told to put in dry and wet components, so I put in an old unbleached cotton sheet that belonged to my mother and it is still there.  It must have been good quality because even the slugs have not eaten it; I will have to dig it out.

Albert get your own lunch I am going out with a spade.

 

A story

I heard a story on the radio yesterday, a couple who were perhaps in their sixties were playing hide and seek at home.  Two days later the man contacted his local radio to say he was stuck in the loft and his wife did not appear to hear him shouting.

How cruel …………….

I shall ask Albert if he would like to play hide and seek but I am not venturing in the loft.

Veronica said I should go out walking again.

 

Meeting Veronica

Bumped into Veronica and Emilio yesterday, she was in a rush; I was walking with several friends.  It was not long before she contacted me wondering what I was doing, Albert was in touch with me too enquiring about his lunch.

 

Hair update

My hair is Violet now, not to be confused with my friend Violet Rose.

New seeds

I bought Jerusalem artichokes today; apparently they grow to be 8 feet tall, where am I going to put them?  I shall plant them in the allotment next to my 6 ft purple sprouting broccoli – Albert will never find me.

 

Sorry Albert

I do not really want to murder him – poison is not murder, is it? I just want him to be un-retired ………..

I still need a scarecrow.

 

Red alert

Albert wants to read my blog, Bernicia said he will laugh – will he when he knows I have been trying to murder him?

A scarecrow

I asked Albert to stand outside for a few hours to scare away the pigeons and he refused.  Veronica asked how I could be so cruel, to which I replied that it takes many years of practice and he has nothing else to do.

Journalist things

My letter to the local paper last week was about a trip to town, how pleasant it was with a farmers’ market, entertainment and sunshine.  I went on to say I felt out of place in a local hostelry because the women were wearing blue tutus and the men tartan dresses.

I have since been contacted by three readers of the paper offering me blue tutus in different sizes.