The Circus

I thought it was a good idea if Albert renewed his library ticket and accompanied him to do so; he joined the shortest queue prepared to hand in his obsolete ticket.

He still has his old ticket because the queue he joined was for the circus – he has given up reading now.

 

Going home

I was on the way home and was surprised to see Veronica on the bus; we got off at the next stop and went for a drink; it was so much cheaper to buy a bottle of wine rather than two glasses. 

I told Albert the bus broke down and did not mention Veronica.

A window cleaner

This was another visit to Scarborough, I was getting ready to go in the shower and Veronica was drinking sherry and reading her book. 

We were on the third floor and when she shouted that there was a window cleaner outside I ignored her; glancing at the window I realized she was serious – I screamed and the window cleaner was doing his utmost to pretend he had not seen me.

 

Stairs or the lift

Veronica and I once stayed in a hotel in Scarborough and she insisted we return to our room by walking up two flights of stairs, returning to the ground floor by lift and walking up the stairs again.  I was very tired by this time.

Her reason was that she did not want anyone to know where our room was – I was not sure myself.

Locked out

I was in the garden when Warwick visited, after he left I realized he had locked the back door and left Elvis in the lounge watching television with the fire on too.

Luckily I had my mobile phone in my gardening apron so I telephoned Tristan who let me in the house two hours later.

 

Aprons

I must stop wearing an apron – I am turning into my Granny, I set fire to my apron today trying to light the barbeque ………… Albert saved my life.

I have an apron to garden in; I can keep my mobile phone in the pocket and my hankie.

Cancelled

Albert is thinking of cancelling his holiday, what will I do with Tom Conti and my other party guests; he will have to go because I have plans.

A request

I have a dungeon rampage request on facebook.

I shall delete it; they may want to come to my party.

 

A party

Albert is going away so I have arranged a party with my old school friends.

I once arranged a party at the local pub and sent out invitations stating that I had invited Tom Conti; I booked several tables and showed the barmaid the invitations.  There was a long pause and then she looked at me and asked if I really knew Tom Conti; when I told her I did not know him she wanted to know why I had invited him?

Who can I invite that I do not know this time?

 

Keep fit video

Albert went out and I tried my keep fit video, the electronic lady with yellow hair was very cross with me, wanting to know where I have been for six months and I need to be more dedicated. 

 

I broke the door

I cannot use my electronic fit video because it interferes with Albert’s cricket; to solve this problem he bought me some pink dumbbells.

I was up to fifty four swings and I let go – only one panel of the patio door needs replacing.

It was Albert’s fault.

When I have taken all the glass out of the dumbbell I will workout sitting down.

 

A Greek Island

I love my children but they stress me so I have put a bid on eBay for a Greek Island, Tristan will be impressed that I am using my computing skills.

Did I mention that the island had no electricity or telephone contact?

School Reunion

Last month we had a lady turn up for the occasion and she wanted to know which school we went to – it was the school reunion of St Elene’s of Lingland near Unthank; was she at the wrong venue.  We did not recognize her.

She was not there last night but Millicent told a story of a visit to the doctors’ – she was wearing a wool hat and people were laughing at her; she had a pan scrubber attached to it and she had travelled by bus and train to her appointment. 

I would have told her.

 

 

Away again

I have been away officially for a small cosmetic adjustment; back now and feeling beautiful.

No I am not telling you which bit I had tweaked.

 

facebook obituary

I wonder if I will be on facebook after I die.

Eunice Martha Saffron Trotter esteemed writer, poet and artist - died today aged 91; she was found clutching a glass of red wine waiting for her turkey and broccoli quiche to bake she was in the middle of writing a letter to her friend Veronica.

 

 

Web sites

My year of birth is no longer on many sites, it just says pre 1950; makes me feel ancient and I am not ready to be an antique yet. 

Veronica agrees.

 

Elvis

I bought Elvis a new collar; it is yellow with imitation diamonds and has a big bell to frighten off the birds.  Veronica said cats should not have diamonds.

 

Books

I have stopped reading sexy books and I am now very comfortable with a book called Anne of Green Gables, have you heard of it?  It is a wonderful warm story of a girl called Anne, obviously – based in Avonlea in Canada; she goes to live with Mathew and Marilla and she dyes her hair green.

Try it..

I will pass it on to Veronica.

Fish oil

I bought fish oil for Albert’s heart, I told him to take it with cold water; he ignored me and swallowed it with his cup of tea.  Imagine his surprise when it melted. 

I did tell him.

 

Sad news

I write to well known authors and Maeve Binchy who died yesterday, was no exception – she corresponded with me and I got to meet her. 

Red wine was Maeve’s favourite tipple so I liked her even more; she was so lovely and friendly.

Veronica tells everyone that her friend knows famous people.