Shall I have a party

Albert has gone out for the day so I am wondering what to do, I do not have to cook; I can lie in the middle of the floor and read my book.

Elvis and I could have a party, I could hail a tractor and set off for Glastonbury – I would be back by Wednesday.

In the meantime I shall telephone Veronica and see if she is available.

Twenty eight holidays

I sent for details of a bread making course and received a reply this morning telling me there were spaces on the course and how long it would take etc.

The classes sounded wonderful until I got to the line which said eighteen thousand five hundred pounds; I am speechless and not taking up the offer.

Veronica said I could have twenty eight holidays.

Photographs

My new camera is clever, if I take a picture which includes Albert and he is looking miserable I can circle him, yes circle him and then delete him.  It only works on the computer though.

Visitors

We had visitors from New Zealand they came bearing gifts but no gin.  Violet Rose had theatre tickets for us all to see Dreamboats and Underskirts, it was a long journey on the bus but worth every minute – I am still singing and dancing.

Yet again Albert does not understand.

Veronica is on holiday at the coast, she sent me a picture of the sea.

Sore Feet

I have been dancing in a field (to a band) and my feet are sore; I videoed the event for Veronica.

Raining

Veronica was calling today and we were to sit in the garden with strawberries, cream and a drink, but it is raining - we could sit in the shed.

new water butt

I have a new water butt with a lid on, so how did the frog get in – it is full of tadpoles again.  If I use the water it means I am murdering the tadpoles, what shall I do?

Prayers

Praying to St Genevieve today as she is the patron saint of food and diets – will she make me thin or tell me what to cook for dinner?

Veronica said try St John Neumann too as he was good with money, will he know the lottery numbers?

Sign language

I am learning sign language; Veronica said it was a good idea as I can tell Albert what I really think of him without shouting.

Visitors

We are expecting New Zealand visitors this week so I have bought posh muesli and a bottle of gin.

petunias

I have greenfly on my petunias, Veronica can offer no advice.

A witch

I met a man at the allotment yesterday who said he was a summer witch.  He told me if I wanted to secure my beloved’s affection I should tape rosemary on their fingers; I do not think Albert would trust me.

Socks

Wearing my new purple bamboo socks today, Albert thinks that is all I bought at the fashion show.

A gift

Mabel Elizabeth is taking me away as a birthday gift what a good idea.

Fashion Show

I am going to a fashion show in a castle today with Violet Rose, Veronica wanted to come but I only had two tickets; I shall buy her a drink instead.

Albert offered to do his own tea.

Held hostage

Whilst waiting at the bus stop a man next to me starting shouting at someone over the road – nothing to do with me I thought.  Imagine my alarm when the man in question suddenly went to grab my arm and said in a loud voice that he would hold me hostage until the man over the road came to speak to him.

My reply to him was, touch me and I shall be frightened and wee on your shoes – I escaped whilst he was still laughing.

He said it was a joke but I am walking in future.

Thank you St Margaret the Barefooted for saving me.

Still here

I did not die on my birthday – I prayed to St Margaret the Barefooted and St Radegunde (he was a Knight with a fountain springing under his sword) and I am fit and well today.

A camera

Albert, Tristan and Warwick bought me a camera between them.  I am now studying the information clutching a glass of red wine for inspiration, hoping I live until tomorrow to carry out instructions.

A birthday

I have cancelled my night out with Albert because according to research figures I am most likely to die today.

Lunch details

We had a fantastic time, never stopped talking and did we really drink two carafes of pink wine?  I cannot remember what we ate but Emilio joined us to make sure we got on the right bus home.

We forgot to play scrabble.

Toilet Rolls

I stood beside a lady in M & S, she brought back a toilet roll because it did not have a pattern on the back – I had to move away to laugh.

Lunch

I met Veronica for lunch today in York, did I tell you I went to Bridlington yesterday; perhaps I should stay in for a week or two.

For the Queen

Oh what fun we had, I met people I had not seen before and discovered we have a street book club – I can sneak off to this wearing my slippers.

Albert, he was fine and enjoyed the event, he went home at 7 p.m. and I think it was   10 p.m. when I got home, it was a long walk?

A Party

I do not think the Queen is coming to our street party, nevertheless I am ready; wearing Jubilee earrings, red blouse, red, blue and white scarf and I have a hat – it is blue with a humongous red flower on top, (I am fully clothed too).

I think I am ready but where is Albert; I will go without him and hope he cannot find me.

Booked a table

Our birthday’s – Veronica and I are celebrating on Thursday, the date is not important.

We are taking along travel scrabble and intend to play before we open a bottle of wine.

I bought a microwave meal for Albert, just in case I return late.

Norbert

Norbert Canary wants to share my allotment; Albert thinks it is a good idea as it would save money.  Albert also thinks that Norbert is old; I think I gave him that impression when in fact Norbert is forty two.

I had such plans for a shed, and I was going to invite friends to visit, Veronica was first on the list.

I might say yes to Norbert but he does not have shed rights.

Party invitation

I am looking forward to our street party on Tuesday but Albert does not want to go – Warwick said I have to take my camera and capture Albert enjoying himself?

Charity Shop

I answered the telephone today and it was the local hospice shop, they cannot sell my red anorak and insist I take it back.

Facebook

I have just spent half an hour chatting to Tristan on facebook, I am good with technology being only forty but why could he not just ring me?

A day out with Veronica

Veronica wants to take me out for the day but I cannot go, I promised to accompany Evangeline on a bus trip.

Albert now says it is nice to have a wife who is so popular; I shall ask Veronica what he means.

A problem

We are having a street party – so are many people.  The problem is that when I write to the local newspaper I refuse to have my photograph published and describe myself as tall, blonde and forty people will notice that I am not.