A Card

Yesterday I received a card from Keith; dead mother-in-law’s description would be pink card, 18 inches x 13 inches, with blue and red flowers, three lines of verse, good quality.  Oh yes Keith, he thanked me for my kindness and advice and sent his regards to Albert; apparently we met him on holiday about eight years ago – I cannot remember?

A Spanish Student

Albert and I stopped for a coffee in town, he did not want to enter the green and blue establishment but I insisted.  The waiter was Spanish and I was able to practice my night school Spanish on him – he was so thrilled and Albert was bored.  I got a free cake and ten percent off my bill but next time I shall take Veronica.

A Blanket

Sorry I have been missing, a friend wanted me to knit a baby blanket and I cannot type and knit.

Jo Brand

Jo Brand is wrong, I write better when I have had a glass of red wine.

My Friend Jo

I had a letter today from Jo Brand, well her assistant actually; she offered me advice for writer’s block which was a pint and a pie - I shall try it.

A Russian Student

I met Leo a good-looking, charming young student at a friend’s party.  Leo’s English was very good but he said he could not understand why people kept asking him if he wanted cheese; neither could we?  We asked him to explain and he said it was when he was leaving shops and he told them he did not want cheese; he now knows what cheers means.

I have offered to help Leo with his English studies.

My allotment

Things are still growing -  geraniums, sweet peas, spinach and more I do not know whether it is because of the moon planting or because I talk to my plants?

Where is Veronica

Veronica has had a bit of sadness just lately but I am sure she will need to see me soon and enjoy a drink or two – I will nudge her.

Shoot Out Explained

I was working in an office in a discreet location based in a private house, my desk was in the window and I was quietly typing a letter; when I looked out of the window and saw a policeman crouched behind a bush with a gun in his hand.  Granted this mirage was in the garden next door and he indicated that I should ignore him – you try acting normal whilst being watched by an armed policeman.

To cut the story short, well I do not want to bore you; the house next door was occupied by squatters and whilst the policemen (there was another one I could not see) were in the garden the occupants of the house left by the street door and escaped in a taxi.

I could have helped them if they had asked.

Next Week

Where is Veronica and an up-date on my allotment.

Shoot Out

A friend (I have lots) suggested I tell you the story about the shoot out in the office garden.  You will have to wait until Friday because I need to use my exercise machine who told me I was 55 yesterday and then I am out until Friday? 

This leaves Albert puzzled in the kitchen.

A Night Out

I am staying in now until Easter, I had a night with the girls and my exercise machine this morning told me I was back to age 87 and I was doing so well at age 47 yesterday.  I think it was the last lager that did it.

Baby Oil

A friend suggested I use baby oil to clean my stainless steel appliances – what joy the cat’s tail now sticks to the fridge and when he walks past the dishwasher his fur stands on end; poor Elvis.

Christmas cake

I made a Christmas cake yesterday because I have a surplus of currants – Tristan thinks it is a birthday cake?

Sister in Law

Matilda and Albert have a lot in common, their second names are similar – Maud and Claud without an ‘e’; they also shared a mother in law in who once visited Birkenhead.

A Visit

Matilda Maud, my sister in law has invited Albert and I down south to celebrate my brother’s fiftieth birthday, I shall accept the invitation but need to tell her that Albert likes to be home before 4 p.m. in case it gets dark?

My brother’s name is Morris Michael.

Post Size

I received a brown envelope this morning measuring 9 in x 3 in, I was so excited because I thought it was Ernie contacting me but I was disappointed.  My mother in law used to measure her post; she would describe her letters and even tell me the quality of the paper – help I am turning into my mother in law.

Younger

According to my exercise board I am now 63, overweight and drink too much.

A Birthday

It is Tristan’s birthday soon he is 30 something, with this thought in mind I went shopping.  I found a belt in a trendy shop which doubles up as a bottle opener I thought he would be impressed.  However, I was not sure of his size and the shop assistants were so helpful; I had the pick of three young men to try on the belt I then spent half an hour whilst they all insisted on modelling the intended present.  We had an audience too and everyone was laughing, it was nearing closing time when I eventually made my mind up on the size and I was invited to join the staff for a drink in the local wine bar.

 Did I go?

Oh, the price of the belt was £2.00 in the sale, what wonderful value.

A Bucket of Apples

I promised Veronica some apples and she was to call for them – I cannot believe she forgot; I told her I was hurt and not speaking to her now; I shall forgive her tomorrow.

Bag Puss

Albert bought me a cashmere jumper for Christmas – my hairdresser told me I looked like Bag Puss; I am not wearing it again.

A Competition

I entered a competition today to win a holiday in Russia; I shall be able to collect my own salt if I win.  The prize is for two people, should I take Albert or Veronica?

My Age

My exercise board now tells me I am 70 years of age and I am a football star.

Lunch Date

Yesterday Albert and I took Warwick out for lunch and I was wearing by purple boots with red tights – other clothing too.  Warwick said he would go into the pub first unless I covered up my legs, cheek.

York

I mentioned York, we once had a day of culture in this lovely City and got thrown out of the Art Gallery …… we were only leaning over the barrier and pointing but were asked to leave. 

Photographs

Veronica sent me several pictures of the big wheel in York and now my phone will not work – I have a message saying that the memory is full.  Veronica’s fault perhaps the wheel was too big?

New Years Day

Albert said I was not to drink (alcohol) as it would mean I would drink all year – I ignored him.