New Years Eve

Albert and I have been invited to a party this morning and I have been instructed to drink orange juice, why?

We are partying this evening too so I shall ring Veronica early (before I start drinking orange juice) to wish her well for next year.

Easter Eggs

Easter eggs in the shops and I have not eaten my Christmas cake yet.

Next Year

Veronica wants us to meet every month next year, it will never work.

Still arguing with my keep fit equipment.

Keeping Fit

Father Christmas kindly brought me a keep fit board  – I started at an assessed age of 69, then 75 and now I am 84; I shall invite Veronica to join me and we can compare ages.

Lost Peas

I was convinced  I had a large bag of frozen peas – I had put it in the fridge by mistake; Albert will have to eat pea soup tomorrow.

Albert also reminded me that I promised him pepper sauce with his steak and batter less onions for Christmas Day, I forgot; he can cook dinner next year.

Veronica

I saw Veronica in the distance and waved, she did not see me which was good as I fell off the pavement and dropped my shopping; my pride was only dented.  I collected my things and telephoned her but it was too late she had caught the bus – we will meet for coffee or similar next year.

Sprouts

James Martin a well known Yorkshire Chef suggests that you stir fry your sprouts, I trusted him and all was well until I had the second glass of wine and burnt the sprouts; and the batter fell off my onions. 

Albert did not notice, did I tell you that there was only Albert and I and Elvis for Christmas – Elvis loves his cheese treats.

We have not pulled the crackers yet as I am thinking of keeping them for next year.

Mahogany

My hair is mahogany with green tips – I need to look different so Santa will recognize me.

Gay Gordon's

My feet are sore because I spent hours dancing the Gay Gordon’s and other similar hectic dances – Albert said he does not know who Gordon is and I should have been home earlier.

Local Paper

I wrote to the local paper thanking the organizers for a wonderful Carol Service, I happened to mention I attended with an ‘old’ friend – Veronica of course.  I meant I had owned her as a friend for a long time not that she was old, she has now forgiven me.

Pickled Eggs

I met an elderly gentleman today in the local supermarket; he was looking at the pickled eggs and telling me that he could not afford them.  I returned home and pickled him a dozen; I shall deliver them tomorrow as he lives nearby.

Veronica was impressed

Jo Brand

Veronica was asked today if her friend (me) was Jo Brand …………….. I wish I could swim like her and it is a real art to fit flowers in your hair so tastefully; perhaps I should try.  And she is so funny; Veronica says I am funny too?

This happened at the Carol Service before the B.B.C. event.

That Salt

I gave Veronica a wrapped packet of Russian salt and several more packets for her neighbours – I still have enough to last Albert and I until at least 2020.

B.B.C.

I will never be offered a job at the BBC now, we were only waving at the camera man and did not mean to knock over his equipment – we offered to pay for a new lens cover. 

Veronica and I did enjoy the carol service and had time for a quick visit to Wetherspoons too; then back home to Albert and a lamb shank.

Stealing a Car

I bumped into an ex boss today when shopping, she reminded me of a task she set for me; which was stealing a car – not literally but I shall explain.

I was employed by the Health Authority but seconded to the local council, our office and team had a pool car.  However our second pool car had been ‘borrowed’ and not returned thus I was sent off wearing dark clothes early one morning armed with a duplicate key and I was to return with the said car.  I was so worried in case I stalled the car whilst making a quick get away but I managed it – this was one of the many things that were not in my job description.

Singing

Oh no, Veronica suggested we go for a drink before the carol service which is in a famous location in York – you may see us on television.  Back to the suggestion, we sing better and loudly after a drink; Albert is driving us to the station and returning for us several hours later.

It is for charity.

Russian Salt

I entered a competition on Saturday and guess what ….. I won enough Russian salt to last for a year; I have filled two cupboards and now I am busy wrapping it up for Christmas presents. 

I shall give Veronica two packets.

An Appointment

I have an arrangement with Veronica on Sunday, we are going to a carol service followed by a small glass of wine, we could have two small glasses if they have no large ones.

I am useful

Tristan telephoned to ask how to cook gammon - Warwick wants extra jars of pickled onions and piccalilli; and can I make two extra Christmas cakes, I suggested he tried eBay.

Who is Warwick, he is my eldest son.

Facebook

Ethel Pretoria contacted me on facebook – who is she?  I will ask Veronica.

Violet Rose

Violet Rose telephoned to tell me she has won the prize hamper from the Christmas castle event yesterday – oh good another day out as we have to collect it from the local post office.

I invited Albert but he has declined.

Stuck in the Mud

Violet Rose and I visited a local castle for a Christmas event where we bought bamboo socks, Russian salt, a picture and a pair of shoes.  We had a feel of an ostrich handbag which cost £579.00 - it was however available in orange, blue and green.

We had a great day but the highlight was being pushed out of the mud in the car park by 3 burly men …………… what fun!

Blue Hands

At our dinner on Friday I had to keep my silver lurex gloves on all evening, they were pretty trendy.  I put purple streaks in my hair earlier and forgot to put the rubber gloves on and my hands were a very deep purple - try eating garlic bread with a knife and fork whilst wearing silver lurex gloves.

It was a talking point and gave me an air of mystery, Veronica would have made me take them off.

Old Girls Dinner

Veronica is snowed in up in Scotland and cannot come to our ‘do’ (Old Girls Dinner) tonight I shall miss her.  Veronica and I were in the round shoulders and flat feet group at school – what chance did we have with such afflictions?

I shall talk about her.

Tenerife

Well, well, well what a shock – Albert collected me and took me to Tenerife for our anniversary; who is looking after Elvis?  The hotel helped us celebrate this auspicious occasion by knocking on our bedroom door at 7.30 a.m. with a bottle of champagne. 

Much later we were sat having coffee in the town square, under a tree when Albert was hit on the head –  this time it was an almond not an apple; it only left a slight dent in his forehead.