Crochet Lessons

I am still here, just waiting for the bus to take me on holiday with Veronica.

Crochet lessons, should ideally take place on the sofa in front of the fire ….. but that was too easy; we arranged to meet in a busy pub equipped with wool and crochet needles.  We did not accept a drink for every demonstration we gave but were asked to leave or put our wool away because no one was drinking.

Veronica still cannot crochet but I cannot scuba dive!

Our Albert

Albert is not happy, well where did he expect Veronica to do her scuba diving exam, the river Ouse is not deep enough.  We are going to a warmer climate and I will be back to get his tea in two weeks time.

I still cannot face the butcher, so Albert will have to do his own shopping.

Pork Pies

I forgot to tell you about the lady Albert and I met at the weekend – she was sat in a hole in the road (a large hole) eating a pork pie.  Bertha was her name and she had a bag full of pork pies and was staying in the hole for ever to stop contractors from re-surfacing the road.

I wonder if she is still there.

My Birthday

Albert and I had a weekend away in Whitby to celebrate my birthday.  I was thrilled to learn that there were ‘open studio’ events taking place (Albert was horrified) I went along to the first studio where I met Pierre an artist from Scunthorpe.  After two free glasses of champagne Pierre was interested in my exhibition in Milan ……………..?

I won’t tell Veronica.

I need to check with Veronica when we are starting her scuba diving revision?

I am famous

I am famous – well nearly.

I had my toes painted today with a trendy new product; I am now the proud owner of bright toe nails with flowers on them. 

The famous bit comes later as the owner of the shop photographed my toes and put them on facebook.

Still avoiding the butcher.

I must telephone Veronica.

Shopping

I am avoiding the local butcher now – I took back what I thought was a bone in his best mince; on examination of the said bone he informed me it was a stock cube?

Veronica is still busy.

 

Water tanks and alarms

I am still here, Veronica is in the tank testing her new scuba diving equipment; I made her promise to wave if she gets into difficulties and I will get help.

I went shopping without her today but I am now barred from Boots, Blacks and Vivien Westwood shops because I set off the alarms – Vivien Westwood’s alarm would not turn off and an engineer was sent for; he was very nice.

Me and Veronica

Veronica has a problem at work and she has failed her scuba diving exam.  So I am signing off until July – I know you cannot wait but I need to help her revise for her re-sit and it involves a lot of hard work. 

Put 4 July in your diary and I shall be back.

The Post Office

I sent off my final story for the writing competition, I told the lady in the Post Office it needed to be signed for as it was a competition entry.  She became interested and asked if it was to win a kitchen?  No I said it was to go on a writing course – her reply ‘not a kitchen then’.

I shall avoid the Post Office for a while.

Knickers

When Veronica celebrated her sixtieth birthday I presented her with a pair of huge knickers (white) hand painted with the words 'for a 60 year old bottom'.

She has given the knickers away to a local charity to use for bunting with my name prominently displayed; I may become famous as a painter of knickers?

I will not be painting her any more presents.

Another Job

Rory, I will not change his name to protect his identity …. he wanted my desk and my job; whenever I left my desk he was there on my return re-arranging my paper clips and dusting my computer.

Eventually the day came when Rory’s dream came true, I was leaving …….. I tied my desk up with a blue ribbon, glued the footrest to the front panel of the desk and locked all the drawers.  Finally and with a grand gesture I threw the key out of the window and left.

Veronica was very proud of me.